I feel like I've spent ample time that I can say a few things that are on my mind to my new "friends", so here goes....
Dear People of the Middle East
I get it. Our cultures of different. You probably think I'm a crazy, sloppy, hamburger eating, beer swigging, cursing American and you happen to be right! There are just a few things I've noticed about your culture that I'd like to get off my chest.
1. Please don't ask me questions that I can't answer. Case in point: A young lady in a burqua (The long black dress that covers EVERYTHING but the eyes)wants me to save her one of the Grand Opening gifts that we set aside for the press. When I tell her I will try, but I can't make any promises. She ignores me. "I'll be back tomorrow," she says, "remember my face" WHAT?! I can't even see your face!
2. It is impolite to stare. I know you've seen fat people before, they're everywhere. I'm not the first American or Westerner either, I've seen a ton. I also know that it's not because I'm not fully covered because I was walking behind that girl in the mall in the tank top and mini skirt. If we make eye contact, I will smile. If you continue to stare, we will have a staring contest. I will win.
3. It is UNACCEPTABLE for you to leave your developmentally and physically disabled family member in a corner in their wheelchair. I cannot even begin to describe how heartbreaking this looks. You are not supposed to bring your cousin/brother/son in the wheelchair to the mall to hold your bags. I am not easily angered....this did it.
4. It is equally unacceptable for you to leave your crying child crouching outside the store because you just HAD to go in and buy something. Seriously, if you kid is that upset, take him home. I'm also in shock over the 20+ people who walked by the poor kid while he cried. I finally stopped him and asked if he knew where his mommy was. Poor kid thought I was crazy.
5. On the subject of parenting, please don't let your children play on the escalator. Haven't you seen Mallrats? Kids get stuck and hurt! By the way, did you know that a mall is a place to shop, not a playground/day care center?
6. Okay. I find the women's clothing of the middle east beautiful. A traditional burqua or an abaya can be lovely. What I don't get is wearing thousands of dollars worth of clothing under it when you don't have to. I get the religious reasons for wearing them and really dressing up underneath, but those of you who dress up, then just put on the robe open. You don't close it or cover your hair, so clearly you don't have to. You kind of look like Hogwarts Arabian Style.
7. When I'm being helped by a salesperson and your next in line, stay back. People have personal space bubbles. So if your next, stand behind me...not next to me. Also, you are not more important than me. If you need to pay the salesperson and I'm being helped wait your f*cking turn.
8. And to the salesperson, don't let them bully you!
9. You all walk so slow and relaxed through the mall. You take your time and have a nice jaunt. You also just randomly stop and take up the entire aisle so no one else can get through.
10. If you have no place to go and your just hanging at the mall, quit being so impatient while in line. (See number 7)
11. Ladies, ladies, ladies....you do not need anymore make-up. It's called "eyeliner" not "around the eye to the middle of my nose-liner" Also, maybe it's just me, but I like to wash my hands after I use the restroom, your re-application and refusal to move so I can have proper hygiene is annoying.
12. Also, only Amy Winehouse can get away with that hair...and just barely
13. Just because someone looks like they might Russian it doesn't mean they're a prostitute. Also, it's probably a good idea to really make sure someone is a prostitute before you offer them money for sex.
I guess it's pretty apparent that I'll never make the Middle East my home. I'm far too American for that. But you, my Middle Eastern friends, love everything American. So, enjoy your Big Macs, Venti Skim Vanilla Lattes, Gap jeans and Pinkberry here in the Gulf Coast countries and I'll go enjoy those same things back in the good ole U S of A.
With peace, love and respect,
Heather
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Adventures in Bahrain (so far)
So I arrived in Bahrain VERY early Friday morning....the excitement hasn't stopped since...
Friday 2/5/10-I wake up in the afternoon, jet lag still not overcome, to the 10 screaming children in the room next door. (I'm not sure if it's really 10, but it sounded like 10). We have door bells on our hotel rooms, they are pressing their door bell over and over and over and over and over...you get the picture! There may have been some monkey's in there as well, I can't be sure. After smelling smoke and figuring out that I am on a smoking floor, I call downstairs and move.
Saturday 2/6/10-Still don't have the jet lag in check. After working until 4pm, I get back to the hotel and my key doesn't work. I tell them I'm staying until the 24th, please make my key work for my entire stay. I manage to stay awake until 6pm, sleep until 11pm. I then wake up until 3am. I sleep until 6am.
Sunday 2/7/10-Dragging ASS! My key doesn't work. I get back to the hotel at 4pm and fall asleep even though there is a LOUD soccer match going on at the youth hostel next door. Again, I sleep until 11pm, stay up until 3am and sleep until 6am. I think I'm getting closer?
Monday 2/8/10- I feel good all day and then the most amazing thing happens! I meet the Guiness Book of World Record holder for longest mustache! His name is Mohammed and he has been growing his mustache for 30 years! I pay 5 Bahrain Dinar (approx 15 bucks) to get my picture taken with him, but he uses his own camera and made me a print AND let me take pictures with my camera! I am literally giddy as I go back to my hotel room. Once there, strange things occur.
First of all, there is a man singing outside my window. No, I am not being serenaded. There is a bar or restaurant or something and they play LOUD middle eastern music that resembles the call to pray until about 11 pm.
Secondly, ONE of my slippers is missing. Yes, you heard me right ONE. I'm not sure how one slipper goes missing, but after looking EVERYWHERE I still can't find it. I find this odd and call the front desk.
I feel like Aldous Snow in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, " I've lost a shoe... have you seen it anywhere? Excuse me, missus, I've lost a shoe... like this one. It's like this one's fellow... it's sort of the exact opposite in fact of that - not an evil version but just, you know, a shoe like this... but for the other foot. Otherwise I'd have two right... "
The front desk sends up a man to look for it. He looks in all the same places I did.
Then they send up someone else, she does the same thing. She tells me, "My collegue cleaned your room and said she only saw one."
So I say, "Hey, maybe you could look in the laundry, maybe my towel was on the floor and the slipper got into the towel."
I go to bed at 10pm and at 11pm my doorbell rings. There's the lady with my slipper. For any of you who have had the pleasure of waking me up out of a dead sleep, you know she did not get a good reaction.
In fact, I'm not sure she got any reaction because what I remember is:
-Yelling "I'm coming" as she rang the doorbell for the second time (for the record, the room is big and it's kind of a jaunt to the door-especially out of a dead sleep)
-Looking at her, quite possibly out of half-opened eyes, like she is crazy
-Her apologizing
-Me grabbing my slipper
-I may or may not have said thank you
-I close the door and go back to sleep.
I also did not remember any of this until I saw the other slipper this morning.
Tuesday 2/9/10- My key doesn't work, the man is singing again...but I have two slippers
Friday 2/5/10-I wake up in the afternoon, jet lag still not overcome, to the 10 screaming children in the room next door. (I'm not sure if it's really 10, but it sounded like 10). We have door bells on our hotel rooms, they are pressing their door bell over and over and over and over and over...you get the picture! There may have been some monkey's in there as well, I can't be sure. After smelling smoke and figuring out that I am on a smoking floor, I call downstairs and move.
Saturday 2/6/10-Still don't have the jet lag in check. After working until 4pm, I get back to the hotel and my key doesn't work. I tell them I'm staying until the 24th, please make my key work for my entire stay. I manage to stay awake until 6pm, sleep until 11pm. I then wake up until 3am. I sleep until 6am.
Sunday 2/7/10-Dragging ASS! My key doesn't work. I get back to the hotel at 4pm and fall asleep even though there is a LOUD soccer match going on at the youth hostel next door. Again, I sleep until 11pm, stay up until 3am and sleep until 6am. I think I'm getting closer?
Monday 2/8/10- I feel good all day and then the most amazing thing happens! I meet the Guiness Book of World Record holder for longest mustache! His name is Mohammed and he has been growing his mustache for 30 years! I pay 5 Bahrain Dinar (approx 15 bucks) to get my picture taken with him, but he uses his own camera and made me a print AND let me take pictures with my camera! I am literally giddy as I go back to my hotel room. Once there, strange things occur.
First of all, there is a man singing outside my window. No, I am not being serenaded. There is a bar or restaurant or something and they play LOUD middle eastern music that resembles the call to pray until about 11 pm.
Secondly, ONE of my slippers is missing. Yes, you heard me right ONE. I'm not sure how one slipper goes missing, but after looking EVERYWHERE I still can't find it. I find this odd and call the front desk.
I feel like Aldous Snow in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, " I've lost a shoe... have you seen it anywhere? Excuse me, missus, I've lost a shoe... like this one. It's like this one's fellow... it's sort of the exact opposite in fact of that - not an evil version but just, you know, a shoe like this... but for the other foot. Otherwise I'd have two right... "
The front desk sends up a man to look for it. He looks in all the same places I did.
Then they send up someone else, she does the same thing. She tells me, "My collegue cleaned your room and said she only saw one."
So I say, "Hey, maybe you could look in the laundry, maybe my towel was on the floor and the slipper got into the towel."
I go to bed at 10pm and at 11pm my doorbell rings. There's the lady with my slipper. For any of you who have had the pleasure of waking me up out of a dead sleep, you know she did not get a good reaction.
In fact, I'm not sure she got any reaction because what I remember is:
-Yelling "I'm coming" as she rang the doorbell for the second time (for the record, the room is big and it's kind of a jaunt to the door-especially out of a dead sleep)
-Looking at her, quite possibly out of half-opened eyes, like she is crazy
-Her apologizing
-Me grabbing my slipper
-I may or may not have said thank you
-I close the door and go back to sleep.
I also did not remember any of this until I saw the other slipper this morning.
Tuesday 2/9/10- My key doesn't work, the man is singing again...but I have two slippers
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