Proof That My Brain Never Stops

This blog is dedicated to Stacy and Shannon (their real names!)

I like to act like an easy going person, but in reality, my brain is always going in 20 different directions. I even have really vivid dreams. I bought a Dream Dictionary so I could figure out what the two-story Victorian surrounded with lava meant. (Apparently lava = passion?)

Anyway, my brain is so active when I sleep, I like to talk to people. I do my best "sleep talking" when I'm in that in between state. You know, not total REM. It's great, I'm asleep enough to make a total jackass of myself, but awake enough to remember that I said something so ridiculous, even I get embarrassed.

The following are true stories...enjoy them, I know Shannon and Stacy have gotten YEARS of belly laughs out of them.

Mid 80's
I'm 8 or 9, there is going to be a lunar eclipse. I INSIST that my mom and dad wake me up so I can see it. When my mom comes into my room and tells me "it's time to go see the moon". I start to talk to the moon. No, really.
"I'll be there in a minute, Moon!" "Just one minute, Moon!"
I remember seeing the eclipse, but my mom insists that I was asleep the whole time.

Fast forward 8 years....

1990
My parents will let me go TP the houses of the boys who recently TP'd ours, but I have to do it before midnight. Yeah, right! My friends and I come up with a brilliant plan. We'll go out at eleven, drive around for an hour, and then at 4am Shannon will call me, we'll sneak out and really do the damn thing!
So, my phone rings at 4am and I answer, "Hello"
Shannon, "Heather, it's 4, wake up!" She knows I'm still asleep.
I say, "I can't go."
Shannon, "Why?"
I say, "My mom's up"
Shannon, "Why is your mom up at 4 am?"
I say, "She's making biscuits"
I know, WTF?
Shannon, "Why is your mom making biscuits right now?"
I say, "Because she works at COC and my sister likes them."
about 5 seconds pass and I say, "Shannon? Did I just tell you my mom was making biscuits?"
Shannon, "Uh, yeah"
I say, "I'll be outside in 5 minutes"

2 years later

1992
Stacy goes on a date with a guy she really likes and I, being such a good friend, want to hear all about it. I leave her a voice mail telling her to call me no matter what time she gets home.
She does...
I say, "Hello"
She says, "Hey, were you asleep?"
I say, "No"
By the way, it's 3am
She says, "What are you doing up?"
I say, wait for it, "I'm waiting for your dad to wake up!"
Stacy says as she starts laughing, "What? Why are you waiting for my dad to wake up?"
I say, "The first one to wake up, wins!"
She says, "Heather, you're making me roll"
I say, and now I'm angry, "Why am I rolling?"
about 5 seconds go by..."Stac? Did I just say 'the first one who wakes up wins'?"


and about 2 years later

1994
I'm camping with Stacy and a bunch of other people. Almost everyone is asleep in the tent, including me, but Stacy and our friend, Gene are talking. Suddenly I roll over and say.....
"I know about all the bad stuff, Stacy"
Gene gets a little freaked out and looks at Stacy.
Stacy says, "Don't worry she talks in her sleep" She's obviously been down this road before.
I sit straight up and say in a perturbed voice, "I am perfectly awake, thank you! I was going to use the toilet paper on the table, but I'll save it for you guys!"
I then proceed to lay down and go to sleep.
The next morning, I remember the ENTIRE exchange.

AND at last another 2 years later...

1996
I am staying at my friend April's house and while we're having a conversation about how I talk in my sleep, but it's when I'm in between being awake and asleep it happens.

She tells me a story about when she talked in her sleep and I say....
"Yeah, like this one time on Return of the Jedi"
About 5 seconds go by and I just start laughing, because I've done it again!

I'm sure this has happened a lot more times, but not that I can remember.

Anyway, this is just proof that my brain never stops and it gives my oldest and dearest friends endless ways to make fun of me!